Review of “Wallbanger” by Alice Clayton


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Synopsis:

The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she’s gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor’s nocturnal adventures. Thanks to paper-thin walls and the guy’s athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems (as loud night after loud night goes by) like an endless parade of women. And since Caroline is currently on a self-imposed dating hiatus, and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise. So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard-but-never-seen neighbor. The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed. Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborly…

Review:

I have recommended this book SO many times! It is the perfect read if you’re looking for something hilarious and light-hearted!

Caroline:

Caroline has just moved into her amazing new apartment. She’s exhausted from the move and just wants to get some rest when she is suddenly awoken by some strange thumping noises. It takes her a minute to realize what those sounds indicate: sex, her neighbor is having sex and the walls are so incredibly thin that she can hear every little thing that goes on next door. Initially, she decides it’s not that big of a deal; that is, until she realizes it is a daily occurrence and that her noisy manwhoring neighbor has an abundance of strange women visiting his apartment.

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Not just any women, but very um…peculiar women. I’m looking at you Purina.

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Her and her friends try to sneakily catch a glimpse of this elusive neighbor, but no matter how much they try to see what this hot stud looks like he, unknowingly, evades their every attempt. The day finally comes when Caroline has had enough of his nightly disturbances and finally confronts him which then leads to a series of hilarious moments between the two and their groups of friends.

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Simon:

Simon aka the “manwhoring asshole or wallbanger” is a professional photographer who travels all over the world. He prefers not to have any steady girlfriends and has not been in a long-term relationship in years. He favors the idea of having several different women whom he can be with in a noncommittal purely sexual type of relationship with. When he finally meets his prissy neighbor, Caroline, he is unprepared for the jolt of emotions that he has towards her as their Battle of Wills rages on. They taunt and tease each other in a series of funny events until eventually they have to come to the realization that there may be something more between them underneath all of their jokes and banter…

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The Posse:

Simon and Caroline’s inner circle of friends are the absolute BEST! They are so incredibly funny and memorable. They really pulled off a lot of the scenes together very well. Mimi, Sophia, Ryan and Neil are the epitome of fantastic side characters who have minor roles, but still managed to make me love them all just as much as the main characters! There was one character, however, who completely stole the show! Seriously, he needs to have his own book. It’s hard to believe that Clive made me laugh so hard that my sides hurt and he’s not even human! lol

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The Ending:

I loved the entire novel, but I must admit that the EPIC ending knocked it out of the park! Bravo, Alice, bravo! I got what I had craved for with Clive.

Final Verdict:

I highly recommend this book! It is funny, it is sexy, and it is something that I think would lift anyone’s spirits if they’re looking for a super fun lighthearted read!

Rating:

5 out of 5 stars!

Favorite Quotes:

“He was wooing me. And I was letting him woo. I wanted the woo. I deserved the woo. I needed the wow that would surely follow the woo, but for now, the woo? It was whoa.”

“Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozed on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. “Fucking Pink Nightie Girl.

We stared, seething as the air literally turned electric between us, snapping and crackling.

The four behind us had fallen silent, listening to this little interchange. Then they caught up.

“That’s Wallbanger?” Sophia screeched.

“Wait a minute, that’s Pink Nightie Girl?” Neil laughed, and Mimi and Ryan snorted.”

“Now you listen here, mister,” I said, trying for a more adult tone. “I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash your girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone!”

“That’s when I heard it. “Meow” I cocked my head sideways, listening more intently. I studied Clive, who looked back at me as if to say “T’weren’t me”.
“Meow! Oh, God. Me -Yow!” The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen? Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched himself at the wall. He was literally climbing it, trying to get where the noise was coming from, and adding his own meows to the chorus. Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight.”

“The right woman for you wouldn’t want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn’t rock your boat, she’d jump right in and sail it with you.”

“Why do all men seem to think they need to rescue a woman? Are we not capable of rescuing our damn selves? Why do I need to be rescued? I don’t need a man to rescue me, and I certainly don’t need no wallbanging, Purina-fucking, listening-at-my-wall-like-a-goddamn-psycho coming over here to rescue me! You got that, mister?”

“Stop it. If you say sorry one more time I’m gonna go find something of yours and pee on it, I swear.”

“Why are you such a manwhoring asshole?” I asked, my face inches from his.

“Why are you such a cockblocking priss?” he asked, and when I opened my mouth to tell him exactly what I thought, the fucker kissed me. Kissed me. Placed his lips on mine and kissed me. Under the moon and the stars, with the sounds of the waves crashing and the crickets cricketing.”

“Was I seriously awake at, let’s see, one
sixteen a.m. and attempting to discern the national origin of
the woman getting plowed next door?”

“He jumped from nightstand to dresser to shelf, scaling pillows and even a lamp to get closer to his beloved. When he realized he would never be able to burrow under the plaster, he serenaded her with some weird kind of kitty Barry White, his yowls matching hers in intensity.”

“But my parents were there when I needed them, always there. The idea that I would someday have to walk the earth without their anchor and misguided guidance made me wince….”

“You smell like tequila and sexual repression, Caroline. Get off me.”

“But as close as friends and lovers could be, there was something about belonging to someone completely that gave you roots―roots you sometimes needed when the world battled against you.”

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5 Comments Add yours

    1. Thank you so much! 🙂

      Like

  1. Henzi says:

    this book is hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is! I read it late at night and I just about woke everyone in the house by laughing so hard lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Henzi says:

        LOL^^ IKR!!!

        Liked by 1 person

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